we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
