Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Panties = found
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
