so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
