if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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