If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
