i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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