just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
