He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize