If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
