Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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