i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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