i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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