doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
