Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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