Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
