3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
