i was born a porn star she said
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I want a musical about memes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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