I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
