you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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