2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
