I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
