when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
