I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
