I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
