No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
