I murdered the dance floor call the cops
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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