I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
