So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
