My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Everything about him screamed your future.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
