She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
