Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
