Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
