Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
