I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
