Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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