I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
