That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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