Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
