you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
