Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
