just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
