I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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