Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
