walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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