Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
