goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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