I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
