True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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