i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
