Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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