his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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