dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
