Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
