names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
