Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
