Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The power of my boobs compel you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
