Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
