why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
