On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
