If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
