You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
