I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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