Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
