ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
