Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
