In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
