You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
