I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize