Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
