Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm skeptical of all drag queens.

Fav 13 1148 1732
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(732): View more from New Jersey

note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better

Fav 29 1046 4180
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(850): View more from Florida

At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

Fav 18 1136 3984
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

Fav 19 4853 1667
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(541): View more from Oregon

When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

Fav 11 3235 1989
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.

Fav 20 2561 1228
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny

Fav 8 1485 854
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(850): View more from Florida

You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line

Fav 3 852 551
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(519): View more from Ontario

I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover

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