Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
