He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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