My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
