I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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