I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
