You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
