Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
