i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you would pick up someone in the library
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
