i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
