I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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