i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
