i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
