so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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