I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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