So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
