I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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