I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
