It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
